Christmas Day Alone

Christmas tree

Christmas eve was always a very big deal when I was growing up.  It was a sacred evening full of wonderment and spiritual renewal. Christmas morning on the other hand was joy abounding, silliness, lots of presents and love. I carried on the tradition when I became a mother and so I have many cherished memories of this special day.

This year was going to be different. My daughter was out of the country and unable to renew her passport in time for Christmas. This, in addition to the recent dissolution of a twenty year marriage, meant I had to recreate Christmas day without my intimate family. It was remaking Christmas morning morning that I feared the most.

I woke when it was still dark and with candlelight I watched the sunrise and listened to Christmas music. There were no Christmas stockings this year. It wasn’t the stockings I missed but the snuggling in bed that went along with them. I surprised myself and felt a little guilty when I decided to put on my favorite Christmas movie, It’s a Wonderful Life.  I realize now it was my craving for family.  Somehow Jimmy Stewart has always seemed like family to me.

Afterwards I focused on communion with self and nature. This meant enjoying my beautiful garden, practicing yoga and meditation and finally meeting up with friends in the afternoon for a hike.

My mantra for the day became “I am marrying myself.” The relationship with self is such an important starting place for all relationships and as an empty nester I am rediscovering myself. The day was beautiful and there was absolutely no discord. If, in fact, I was marrying myself, it’s a marriage that is harmonious and self nurturing. Both excellent affirmations for the New Year!